Bad Bad Girl, a Regular Juvinile Delinquent
I know it's been a while since I've posted. Let me try to get you up to date. My ex is out of jail but so far hasn't made any effort ot harass me. The manager guy is sort of not talking to me because I ended our little fling, but I'm trying to encourage him to go back to his wife from whom he was separated even though I feel deeply used because of him and his lying about being divorced. The teacher guy is away on vacation, I think Orlando or something. I miss him so much I want to cry. New guy at work is sort of cute and a year older, but I'm not interested in him. I am not really interested in anyone except my teacher guy. I found a blog that's about a cartoon, and guess what her name is? Yep, Lola! What a small world. And I guess there's something of a theme happening with my name since she too developes a crush on a teacher. Seriously, it's sort of freaky like that. The drawings look a little...off, but I sort of like it, in a weird way. I think the address is www.lolaspumonifiles.blogspot.com and if it isn't, then whoops! I wonder if the author reads my blogs...maybe that's where he or she got his or her inspiration! ha, I doubt it though, this blog isn't visited very often. I should comment that she or he should use a darker pen or a marker or something and try to stick with the measurements, but I'm guessing it's probably some kid. no offense if it isnt! I just mean it's sort of charming in the sense that it's sort of not perfect. Why am I rationalizing? I'll bet they aren't reading this anyway. I have to go. I'm hungry. Oh I miss him so much so much so much. Bye everybody!
So now it is over between the manager man and I. I ended it after he tried to make me have sex with him. He's been so patient I guess I shouldn't be complaining but though I understand he must have been getting frustrated, there is no excuse. I told him shortly after that he should just consider getting back together with his wife. I am not the one to be blamed for their not getting back together, and I certainly do not wish to get raped. Teacher guy and I haven't seen eachother since about may 18th or something like that, but we've been talking online. Lately it's been getting very interesting and quite provacative. Very sexual, in fact. Why does it seem so much easier to type emberassing thoughts and desired online than to tell that person face to face? In anycase, I'm a bit bummed because I haven't gotten an email from him today. I worry that maybe I might have said too much and maybe frightened him off with my perverted thoughts, or else maybe he's having second thoughts about this whole thing. Oop, here's the response...nevermind. I always start thinking like that whenever it takes so long for him to respond. Oh well. I miss him. Bye bye for now...I have to go meet Christine and Angela for a movie tonight or soemthing.
Well, I did it. I told my teacher guy about the manager guy. Just to bring you up to date, No, I haven't slept with him. He's been patient and all, but he sort of is getting anxious, as for the teacher? We talk a lot now. Also, it turns out that the manager's wife did leave him, but they aren't divorced yet. And she might want to come back. That's sort of why I told the teacher guy. he was concerned and I confessed that I really don't like this guy all that much. I came upon that conclusion about a month ago, but I put it in the back of my head because I was having too much fun with getting pleasured. But now with the reality of a wife who might return, I have forced myself to evaluate the situation. Teacher guy asked me if I was okay with the manager guy still being married, and I honestly could not say that I was. He suggested that maybe I think about it, though he also said that maybe it wasn't good if I didn't feel I liked the guy all that much. Then he said something to the effect of "uh, you still like guys though, right?" And I said "of course I do... very much so." and he said "well, as the representative of the male gender, I am pleased to hear that." and I said "Representative, eh?" and he said "yes, I was promoted!" but yes, I love that man. I do. I thought about it while he went to make some copies of the final exam for his class the next day, and when he came back I said "I think I'll end it with him. I feel too guilty knowing he's married still, especially now since the re;ationship between them might be fixed. I don't want to be the one to stop that. Besides, I didn't like him all that much anyway." and he said "good for you!" and maybe he would have taken that opportunity to maybe flirt further or maybe even ask me out, (I got that feeling, plus he was really really close to me, I could actually feel his breath on my cheek! Giggle!) but then the maintenence man came in and the moment was over. The rest of the visit was light hearted joking and discussion. Another hug before I left though. I don't know if I'll get to see him at all over the summer, since he lives semi-far. I hope I will though, I really really do. He lights up my day. All for now, I have to call Christy and guid her through her crisis with steve and his masturbation habits (since when am I dr Drew? oh well, it's okay.) bye bye!
Well, once again, sorry for not keeping up with this damn thing. Seems to me that I haven't had the time. Still incredibly in love with my teacher guy, and I think we're really getting close, though it's still purely platonic.. :( but yeah. manager man, for those who have yet to hear, is on his way out. He's going to another job. I will miss him greatly, and am considering finally sleeping with him on his last night with our company. Sort of a "going away present" of sorts. Not just anyone can get those from me. So anyway, I had this dream last night about my ex...he got out of jail and tried to hunt me down in the forest, but then Hugh Grant showed up, stuttered with his adorable accent, and then my ex was gone. Never said these dreams were deep or even very intellegent sounding. So yes. Last night I saw my teacher guy at Chilies. I was with a few of my friends, and while they were talking, I excused myself and walked over to him to say a quick hello. He was with his brother at the bar portion and he was having a beer. I could tell that he wasn't drunk and so I didn't feel awkward about any of it. his brother is nice, but waaaay to serious. He treats my guy like he's a little kid who is always joking around. Oh well, no matter. My quick hello became an hour long discussion. It was so nice just being around him, hearing him talk about things in his life and making jokes and stuff. When I got back to my table, however, I got teased like crazy by my friends, but all was well. ALl for tonight. Luv ya!
Again, posting to let you know I am alive. Not too much has happened, except that my manager and I...well, he almost got me to have sex with him one night. I mean, he actually prodded me with it and I almost let him stick it in. I've been SO horny lately. But I stopped him. I couldn't let him. I don't know why. I think I'm too hung up on my sweet little teacher guy. He's been going through some tough shit at work, but he's always in good spirits. Last night I dreamed of him. THat's the real reason I'm here now, blogging away. So basically, we were at school, but it was different. It was like a school you store in your schema when you read a story that requires a school. Anyway, we were discussing Camus or something when all of a sudden, the room was darker. It was raining outside the window. The room we were in resembled a tower and we were at the top, secluded from the rest of the school. He got really close to me and, I swear to god, I felt his breath. I know that sounds all "porno story" but it was true. I have never felt that much in a dream before. Anyway, we had fallen silent and all you could hear was breathing that must have been ours. There was no music. Just us. He rested his hand on the small of my back and the other one was on the back of my head. My own hands were resting on his chest. I made a funny, yet awkward, statement, which is what I would have done in life, and he just smiled at me. He leaned in and I closed my eyes and he kissed me. He leans me back onto this desk, which is, for whatever reason, made of stone, and we are basically pawing at eachother. His hand is on my breast and mine found it's way down his pants. He did to me what my manager likes to do; he had his mouth on my breasts and... I kid you not, I swear it felt real.. anyway, next thing I know, we're having sex. Full out steamy sex. I mean like hair pulling, back scratching, loud moaning, fantastic orgasmic sex. I swear, it all felt so damn real! I had never dreamt that vividly, with touch and stuff, before. We were lying there and I was going to get up and compose myself, but he more or less held me down nest to him. Not forcefully. More like, well, lovingly. As if he was araid to let me go. He told me that he wished he could keep me with him. Last thing I remember I was looking straight into those devastatingly beautiful eyes and we just stared at eachother. Then the phone rang. Thanks, Christy. Thanks a lot. I got to see him today, just for a little bit. Funny thing was, he had gotten all scratched up by his cat last night while he was trying to sleep. I didn't really give it much thought until later. So we had a nice long talk about silly things and Niche and Dylan Thomas. I never mentioned the dream to him. We were walking away from the school when we hugged our goodbyes, but before we parted ways completely he reached out and gently pulled my hair, letting his fingers run through to the end. Odd.
Nothing exciteing so far. Still kind of involved with the manager man, but nothing too major. The other night my friends and I went out to The Olive Garden. It was kind of fun. We were all so tired from the night before (kind of had a slumber party, I know, it sounds immature, but it was fun, so to hell with you!) that everything was hysterical. I think we were maybe one inch away from getting thrown out. Whoops! Oh man, you should have seen it when Laurie spilled her tea on Jenny's lap. We almost started a food fithg over it all. Today I am doing practically nothing. Just some homework and listening to some music. Nothing special. Put the picture I have of my teacher guy on my wall. He's so cute. I miss him again. Last night I had a dream about him, but it wasn't sexual. It was...confusing. I mean, like most dreams, it made no sense. I don't know how to even explain any of it. Whatever. The important thing is that he was at least present. Maybe I'm dillusional for likeing him so much. But isn't that what love is? Being dillusional? I think so. Well, back to the task at hand; homework! Ech.
Just letting you all know I'm okay! So there, Chrissie, now you know :) in anycase, I have work tonight but I've been up for about 42 hours studying and trying to fix up my room, so I don't know how sociable I'll be. My manager wasn't at work last time, but he will be there tonight. *sigh* I'm having second thoughts about what we're doing. Still no real sex, but still...whatever. Saw the teacher guy the other day. Oh God, seeing him, even acting goofy, just makes me realize even more how much I love him and it saddens me to imagine that I'll never have him. But as Wayne from "Wayne's World" once said, (Well, not what he said, but if he were female and interested in guys like I am) "He will be mine...Ih my yes, he WIll be Mine." So that is all I wrote. Whatever Lola wants, Lola gets...Wish That were me, but I hardly get what I want. But we shall see. Goodbye all, I luv y'all!